Virginia Breeze

Danica Patric/ Historic IndyCar Winner

This is the number one story right now on Yahoo Buzz. A woman won the big race.

I don’t really have a lot to say about it other than “Great”. I don’t follow racing except when I am out on Interstate 95.

But having watched women drive I have been saying for awhile now that all they needed was the right car and a matching set of tires (along with a few other color coordinated accessories) and they could win any race they entered.  Am I serious?  No!  Of course not!

Jake Long signs with Dolphins/ Top pick in the NFL draft

And to guarantee that he will be there the first day of training camp they guaranteed he will get thirty million dollars. Can you spell DESPERATE? You can bet his body will be there on the first day but what about his mind?

He knows he has thirty million dollars. He has climbed to the top of the NCAA heap only to find himself on the worst team in the NFL. What does that do to a young person’s mind?

The Redskins went down this road a few years ago. I forget the guy’s name. They gave him millions. And he said “Thank you” and proceeded to get beat every time he took the field.

He never played. Welcome to the NFL.

Miley Cyrus signs a seven figure book deal.

Congratulations Miley. The book will focus on her life growing up in Tennessee. And it will cover how her family and especially mother Leticia kept her grounded.

WAP! Do them dishes girl!

No. That’s not right. I must be thinking of somebody else. I saw Miley for the first time when she was on stage with Billy Crystal at the American Idol telethon a few weeks back. She sings really well but my memory of her has been totally overshadowed by Fergie who came out later in leather pants and did a couple of cartwheels while she was doing a dynamite rendition of Barracuda with Heart.

I don’t think I am ever going to forget that

“American Idol” Season 7 Mixtape

The next Buzz moment seems to be an attempt to make fun of Chikezie’s rendition of “She’s a Woman“. This happened back when they were doing Beatles tunes and the rest of us were trying to figure out when Spring was going to arrive. I am sure we wondered about Chikezie too but maybe not as much as this post suggests.

Still it is all in fun and there is even a YouTube video of Chik doing his thing before he headed back to LAX and the intimacies of airport security. See it here if you must.

And finally we have politics in the news. Senator Barak Obama slammed the retired peanut farmer Jimmy Carter for going to Israel and talking with Hamas.

But I have some questions. When Carter goes to talk with these guys how does he know where to find them? Aren’t they supposed to be hiding? And putting that aside can’t the Israeli’s follow his movements and discover where their enemies are hiding and kill them?

What about all the Secret Service guys who protect the former peanut farmer? What happens if hundreds of Hamas guys show up with guns and decide to kidnap the former peanut farmer?

And am I still going to be able to get Jiff Crunchy Style Peanut Butter if something happens to the former peanut farmer during one of these jaunts beyond the outskirts of civllization? Because I really don’t like the smooth kind and Skippy Peanut Butter gives me a rash.

I have lots of questions as you can see. But we have run out of time. Our discussion of the top ten Buzz subjects will continue later at NewsLink Briefs.

That’s my humor blog for those of you who may not know it.

So in fact that’s for everybody.

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This can be a wonderful time of year in Virginia. It got down in the 30’s last night and when I went out about six am the cold air hit my face and woke me up. It felt really good and I’m sure I was a better driver too. There’s a couple who walk their dog about that time and they are all over the road. They let their dog run free in people’s yards under cover of darkness. He left me a present one morning and I in turn got it all over the floor mat in my car.

So when i see them talking and laughing in the early morning light I want to run them over. Then I would use the “I was still asleep and didn’t see them defense”. But I couldn’t do it this morning.

The cold air keeps the pollen count down a bit too. And this helps me breathe. I’m hoping it will help me hear too if it continues because I can’t hear out of my left ear. I went to see my doctor last Monday about some med refills. And at the beginning of the visit I told him I couldn’t hear. So he refilled my meds and then got up to leave before he remembered “Oh, I almost forgot. You wanted me to look at your ear”.

Actually I preferred that he look IN my ear and find out if there is something growing in there. So he looked in there and this is what he said. “There’s no wax in there. It must be lower down. Alright. I’ll see you in three months.”

And he walked out the door.

I love my doctor. I really do. Because he doesn’t get nervous or agitated the way I do sometimes. And I’m counting on this fact in the future.

Because if he ever sees something growing anywhere inside me that shouldn’t be there I don’t want to know about it. I have heard too much about chemotherapy, for example, to consider having it.

I want him to just smile, put his little light thing away and walk out the door. “See you in a few months big guy.” That’s what I want.

And he may see me in a couple of months too. Because I plan to invite him to my funeral.

But hopefully nothing like that will happen. And if the cold air sticks around maybe I will be able to hear again soon. Because I am missing things. And I am starting to understand the predicament of some of our older relatives who can’t hear much out of both ears.

You start to feel strangely isolated even when you are sitting around with a bunch of people watching television and you can’t hear them or the joker on the television. And yes I am referring to the AI host Ryan Seacrest.

I asked my wife to look in there and see if she could see anything.

She did. And then she said something that hurt my feelings.

She said she could see the picture hanging on the wall on the other side of the room.

When are they going to have an American Idol type show for amateur comedians? Because we have the winner right here in Richmond, Virginia. She’s probably as funny as Edgar Bergman.

Just make sure she doesn’t forget her dummy when she packs up and heads for Hollywood.

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I hope some of you will tell some stories about your college days. They would be very interesting to read I am sure!

And I need to finish the story about Kathy and BU. I apologize for letting it go so long. And next week there will be vacation photos from the beach and DC. Also we are going up to Baltimore for the day.

So grab a feed! You don’t want to miss the conclusion of my college romance story. We rode an ill-fated star but still there were positive things about it.

Part of the reason I have procrastinated with this story is the new humor blog NewsLink Briefs. It keeps me busy! But it is doing very well and has as many RSS subscribers as the other two in only a couple of weeks.

Today I wrote about This Date In History and King Charles I. And it made Beth laugh a lot! You don’t know what a challenge it is to make her laugh! She’s a pretty good critic. So you might want to see what made her chuckle.

If I am ever going to be famous it will be because this new blog is actually funny and many folks will want to read it. I realize that is a long shot. Probably about as long as us having dinner with Jordin Sparks. But it doesn’t hurt to try. And it doesn’t hurt to exercise the old brain cells while they are still functioning.

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There’s a cloud cover this morning so I can see where I am going as I cruise the avenue. It’s also a voting day here in Virginia which means that there are a lot of folks out bright and early. I don’t remember ever seeing so much interest in a primary! And you can vote either Republican or Democrat in this one but not both.

What should I do? I could go vote. But I don’t know much about any of the candidates. Except I did read one time that John McCain is a war hero and perhaps crazy as well.

So I’m pretty sure he is my candidate based on his mental health picture. Hillary scares me because I had a teacher one time who reminds me of her. This teacher would become angry and lay into you in front of the whole class on a moment’s notice. That was really the scary part. You would be coasting along in class and the world was at peace when suddenly she might ask you a question and you didn’t quite know the answer she wanted to hear.

Or maybe she caught you glancing out the window. You really didn’t want that to happen. It was a cardinal offense. This elderly teacher was probably brought up during a time when it was acceptable to whip your students with a branch or smack them with a ruler. If you were bad enough I can only imagine what they might have done.

Mom: “Reggy! Where is your little brother?”

Reggy: “I’m sorry Mom but they took him downstairs to the cellar. The last I heard he was screaming something about not being able to be a father someday.”

So when our teacher got riled up what followed was not pretty. And it seemed to go on forever. It was a form of mental torture that I am pretty sure is now outlawed by the Geneva Conventions.

I am ready for a woman to be president. But she needs to be somebody like Angelina Jolie who I have recently given a home here at VB. For some reason as I get older I appreciate beautiful women and their foibles a bit more. The lustful thoughts of my youth have been replaced by lazy thoughts about postponing my diet one more day. In this video Angelina talks about growing up. And she had an interesting youth to say the least. SHE would be my candidate.

So I don’t know what to do about voting and will probably just be a bad citizen and not vote. I did campaign for a candidate one time ! I handed out buttons with the photo of George McGovern on them in Harvard Square long ago. I still have a video in my memory bank of this one guy well dressed who marched up to me with this very angry expression on his face. And when he got about ten inches away he smiled widely and took a button. Such a delightful sense of humor.

But those days are long gone and much has happened since then. So much has happened. Please don’t leave a comment about my failure to do my civic duty. There is still time. Wait until this evening.

Update: They have all been calling me today. Several times. When you look at your caller ID and see the name HILLARY CLINTON you know you are in trouble.

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