Here we are again as another holiday season has rolled around and I find myself asking a question. “What’s it all about?” Not the holiday. I understand about the pilgrims getting on a really small boat without a motor and somehow managing to sail or drift over here and start a colony. I admire their fortitude and willingness to endure pain in order to worship freely and obtain large tracts of fertile land without paying for them.
My question really has more to do with the long term efforts we make to come to a point where we sit down and eat too much on this day. Remember the song, “What’s it all about, Alfie?”. That’s what I am talking about. When Michael Caine did Alfie back in the days of my youth I thought I knew the answer to that question. Because Alfie made it clear to me. It was about getting women to do the things you wanted them to do. Alfie was a master of that and I admired him for it. Sean Connery as James Bond was also a master at the highest level of this craft. He was THE MASTER of the craft. In fact it was more than a craft. It was a religion. And it was not something we picked up from the pilgrims. They got excited about free beach front property and the Sunday sermon. I got excited about landing a beautiful babe and waking up to find her next to me on Sunday morning. This last thing was of course just a fantasy because I lived in a bedroom next to my three sisters and above my mother and father. But I got excited about the concept anyway.
Thanksgiving would have meant a lot more to me if I had my own place. Then maybe I could have found a live-in (on the weekends) girlfriend who had put two and two together and understood what the new world of birth control meant to us all. I was living in the transition period back then when a lot of young beauties were still mulling over the option of saving this major gift for the guy who was going to give them land and a home to put on it. Others had decided it was such a bother that they would give it away so they could think about something else . Market forces were at work during this time. Whenever a lot of something comes on the market the price of it generally goes down. In this case the “something” used to be so valuable you could trade it for just about anything including a mink coat and diamonds. After the Sexual Revolution took place you might be able to get dinner for “something” if you played you cards right.
None of this concerned Alfie or James however. They could have cared less what questions the ladies were wrestling with at the time. In their book you either wrestled with them or were tossed aside to make your way back to the gene pool. Their feeling was that you had one chance at Numero Uno and if you blew it you would have to settle for Spermatozoa that could not swim at the speed of light and play a winning hand of cards at the same time.
Life was to them about conquest and the adrenaline rush. It was about playing games and winning every time. . They were cool egotists and young men often wanted to emulate them. I tried a few times and was appreciated for the comic relief I provided on a dull day. And most days were dull back then. The microchip had not yet been invented.
Years have passed and I now know that life is not about the thrill and the beautiful blonde who loves to be pushed around by the right guy. Listen carefully young guys out there who may admire these two characters. (They recently made another popular Bond movie although the character has become less of a male supremacist . So I know he still can attract a crowd). Listen to someone who has been around awhile and has not yet succumbed to organic brain disease. Now I realize that it’s all about those children James never came close to having and the child that never made it while Alfie was in charge.
Alfie did come close to being a daddy but talked his friend into an abortion . The thing I now understand is that what matters most are the children and the lovely grandchildren. Also friends and good food are important . Delicious food prepared on a regular basis. And friends! And not the kind of friends who want to keep you up at night playing “friends with privileges” . While a love life is still a wonderful thing it is no longer up there with breathing in terms of importance. And a major conquest is about as important as seeing all the Bond movies at a movie festival. In other words it is not important at all.
I’m not speaking for everyone of course. This is just my perspective on life and my experiences. Having a great meal on Thanksgiving while surrounded by family and friends is a wonderful thing. And sailing a course that ended up in this particular harbor turns out to have been the right thing to do. If I could go back and pat my 25 year old self on his hairy head I would do it. Because at that age I gave up on James and Alfie. I realized that Alfie was not happy with himself and did some soul searching at the end of his movie. Bond would probably die a horrible death or end doing the same things over and over again for years until he became a parody of himself. He would be one of these characters who never ages and never seems to notice. Everything changes including the actor who plays him (many times) but he goes on somehow managing to notice the evil plot being hatched and the plan to kill him while remaining oblivious to everything else. The problem with James Bond is that he doesn’t seem to realize that he doesn’t have a life. Probably my frequent state of depression back then was due to the fact that I wanted to be like him and didn’t have a life either. That was about the only part of being Bond that I managed to emulate
He was and is a cardboard character and not a real human being. I am thankful I did not follow his lead. And I am blessed to have wonderful children and grandchildren. As well as a perfectly amazing and wonderful wife. Not that it hasn’t been a messy affair at times along the way . Life is messy. But I hope you will admit that family is so very important in terms of having a life. Even a complicated or difficult life.
The thing is it takes awhile to make and raise one. It takes decades so it really makes sense for a young person to not put off the decision for too long. And so I would like to make this suggestion to the young men out there. When you find yourself seriously attracted to someone ask yourself the following questions. What am I trying to do? Are you trying to go down the same road as Bond and the many other good and bad imitations of him that have tried to make box office magic? Or are you trying to build something that will bring you a great deal of comfort especially later in life and save you from the loneliness of not having a family on Thanksgiving or any other day? Seriously, ask yourself what you are trying to do and give yourself an honest answer. And if you are ready to grow and start building something let me also suggest that you look at this person and do a checklist of the qualities she possesses. Is she kind, gentle and intelligent? Is she a humble person? Is she patient enough to put up with you for the long run? Does she understand the true nature of love and also want to build a future together? There are many questions you can ask and hopefully you will think of some that have eluded me over the years.
Today I find true happiness in looking around and seeing all these people I love who doing well and enjoying life. I am thankful most of all for this fact on Thanksgiving. Not everyone will be here and some of our beloved relatives have passed away. But the fact is that those who have passed on led meaningful lives as well and helped us to reach the point where we can have them now. They will be remembered with respect and love. And those who are too far away to be here will be here in our hearts.
Because Thanksgiving is all about love and caring. The turkey might disagree with this but for the rest of us it is a time to enjoy the kind of love that is not selfish or grasping. I cannot even imagine Bond sitting down for a Thanksgiving dinner. But I hope Alfie finally began to understand the source of his depression and uncaring attitude. He is not a real person of course but there are many like him out there. And is it too much to hope that someday a writer will continue his saga and lead him to a better life. There was a glimmer of hope for him in the pain he experienced at the end of that movie. It forms the basis for another chapter. Not a remake but an actual move forward in an attempt to teach the reading public something.
And there is hope for all of us. Especially the young who have the time and energy to make essential changes in the way they think about love. I don’t expect they will get much help from the movies they see in this regard. And then there are things worse than I have described that HBO and Showtime will bring into so many homes on Thanksgiving Day. But there are plenty of books out there. Books literally saved my life over the years. I am thankful for them also on this Thanksgiving day. Let’s just say that learning is a good thing. And the sooner you start to learn as a young person the better off you will be. Be open to change and growth. Look around and try to find a positive role model. But also look within and make some important decisions. Your future holidays can be full of great joy and celebration. And the rest of the year will find you happier with your life and the decisions you made way back in the days. When you woke up one day wondering what it was all about and decided that it was about family and love.
Sorry if this is a little too tough to digest on a holiday but none of us get to the fine dinner on the table without years of struggle. Thankfully we are still here to enjoy it.
Have a great Thanksgiving Day.
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