Virginia Is For Families

I have found this book about ADD Attention Deficit Disorder.  And I would like to read it to discover if this may be part of my problem.

But I can’t concentrate long enough to read more than a few pages.  What do you think?  I read a few paragraphs to Beth and she says I do not have ADD.

And case closed, too, for that matter.  She doesn’t need to think about it.  She doesn’t need to read the book. She just knows.  Does your spouse do this?

We are having an interesting morning.  Zach was on his way out to school as I was returning from my morning exercises.  He is participating in a debate this morning.

I said to him that this weekend I would like to take some mood photos of him.  He doesn’t have to try to smile in other words.  Some people have problems doing that.   But Beth came downstairs at that moment and thought I said “n*de photos”  (I can’t write it out because when you run Bad Neighborhood it picks up on words that are so innocuous George Carlin would turn over in his grave if he could see it).   So she thought I wanted to take some risque photos of my son.

So we got that straightened out and then I said “Baby you are the only one I want to take n*de photos of” and she gave me the “in your dreams” look.   And I turned around to continue my conversation with Zach in time to see the top of his head go out the door.

Apparently he didn’t want to hear about my wants.  Or needs.  Or anything else unless I could give him some good ammunition for the debate.

But it’s Friday and that’s good news.  Thank God all the election stuff has subsided.  It’s time to prepare for Thanksgiving.  And I did win approval for one remark I made in this regard.

We have lots of family here for Thanksgiving.  And some of them have girlfriends and boyfriends.  So seating becomes an issue.    My idea was that everyone who is over 39 years old should sit at one table.  And then the younger (and larger) group could sit together at the dining room table.  Because everybody is not going to fit together at one table (or one room for that matter).

So there are no favorites.   Unless an unexpected guest decides to show up for dinner and then we will make an exception.  Let’s say Charlize Theron who is always welcome decides to join us.

She will be offered a place next to me.  Beth will be on the other side.  The right side because that’s where the angels sit.   And I’m sure her father will want to sit on Charlize’s other side.  And who else?

Oh her mother!  She can sit across from me so that I can gaze into her lovely eyes and listen to her words of wisdom.

When I’m not being polite and listening to Charlize of course.  Or Beth.

You see!  I have it all worked out.  Does it sound like ADD to you?  Probably not.

Probably your diagnosis is further along in the old psychiatric manual.

Delusions of Grandeur

Suicidal

Out of Touch With Reality

Any recommendations?

Here’s one I found interesting. . .

“Just cook the turkey til he’s done so he will quit making so much noise.”

More Writing

http://davidnotes.com/2008/11/13/dreaming-great-photos-photo-presentation/

Here are some headlines out there in news land  this morning.  I can’t resist commenting on them.  Who writes these things anyway?   Some of them  are just. . .

Fed sees economic woes persisting into next year

No!! And next year is SIX WEEKS away!   No turnaround before then?  Because I know we were all hoping life was going to return to normal in time for a really great New Years Eve party.

This headline conveys nothing that we do not already know.  But worse than that it just confirms something we are trying to forget.

Paris Hilton and Benji Madden Split Up

I was saddened to learn that Paris and Benji are no longer a couple.  Ever since Benji made that beautiful movie I felt like he deserved someone who could give him the best and probably most expensive dog food available.  And I also knew that Paris worshiped him because he actually did make a great movie (something she would love to do more than anything).  What happened?

Where’s he going to go now?  The kennel just doesn’t make sense for the little guy after where he has been.  Benji we hardly knew you.  Please find a good home.   This headline doesn’t convey enough about a shocking  event.  Another perfect couple bites the dust.  So sad.

Miley Cyrus Isn’t Only Teen Star Who’s Not Dead

I was so happy to read this one. And it really does open the door to many other cheerful headlines. For instance. . . Miley Cyrus Isn’t Only Teen Star Who’s Not Blind.

And she’s not deaf either. She can hear music! Ms. Cyrus is also not living at the South Pole! So she doesn’t have to wear sixteen layers of clothes when she goes outside.  She can get away with wearing that thing her boyfriends like so much in fact.

So many possibilities.

This headline once again states the obvious although we are a lot happier to hear about it.

Brad Pitt Vs. Obsessed Fan On Oprah

I just wanna say that I’m on your side Big Guy on this one. And I understand that “deer in the headlights” look so very well. You are surrounded in this moment by women. Millions of them actually plus Oprah. Maybe the camera guy is a guy I don’t know. And this ecstatic  fan who apparently knows every inch of your body like she’s a ghost at night and seeps under your bedroom door is asking you about your tatoos.
You want to escape. I understand. But where do you go? Angelina is at home with the six  kids and she’s thinking about leaving show business and gaining a hundred pounds. Also she has plans for your next ten tatoos on the kitchen table.

No one is going to recognize you when this is over Brad. Not even you.
Not even the beaming bozette who now wants to know about the tatoo on your stomach!

I’m sorry man.  But you did it to yourself.  You should have stayed with Jennifer who is obviously just a little too sane for you.  Good luck.

This headline is alright.  But  it’s not clear the fan is “obsessed”.  Maybe she’s just a normal Brad Pitt fan.

There’s a scary thought.

Global Stocks at 5 1/2 Year Lows

Do you remember what you were doing five or so years ago?   I do.  I was having a blast.  I had fallen in love with a great girl a few years earlier and we were just getting really comfortable with our relationship.

It was a fun time.  We had enough money to go out to dinner too as did most of America.   And nobody was sitting around  the kitchen table barefoot, eating cinnabons with six kids and planning to turn me into their personal etch-a-sketch either.

Suddenly I’m not so unhappy about the global recession.  If you look at it this way maybe you won’t be either.

This headline leaves out the most important part of the article.  Five years ago we didn’t sag as much and we had more hair.  Let’s all get in a time machine and Get Back!  as the Beatles would say.

Then we can wait almost five years and take ALL our money and SHORT  the stock market.

Sounds like a plan to me.  And the headline mentions none of it.

This headline doesn’t share enough information.

I hope all of this has been helpful to you as you try to come up with good headlines for your posts.  Thank you and have a lovely day.

You too Brad.

Poor guy.