Virginia Is For Families

I have been wanting to write lately and yesterday spent a great deal of time with an essay about stumbling that does not stick to the generally accepted facts about stumbling. I would just like to say “Sorry” but I can’t help it. Someday soon there will probably be an even longer post about this subject. We are all working for free for StumbleUpon in a sense. We search the web for the most entertaining material for it to present to the world. How how hours go into that? And in return we receive some traffic. Perhaps that means income to some. The few who get richer while the rest just move along wondering why their stumbles are not reciprocated.

My SU front page looks fine this morning. But I need a photo of the dark side of the moon with little aliens running around putting up street signs. Let me know when you see one of those.

Enough of the sarcastic witlessness. What else is there to write about this wonderful Sunday morning? I found a very interesting stumbler two weeks ago who shall remain anon. Why? This person seems to have taken the long trip into his psyche awhile back and struggles with loneliness. He’s very intelligent and very alone. I just love this guy and recognize a small part of me in him. And also appreciate the very scary place he has gone. Being alone for the long run is something I thank God for not having to endure. Even short spells of it used to drive me crazy. Being married unhappily is not much fun but being alone is terrible too.

The only time it is enjoyable is after a bad relationship has ended. There is such relief and a sense of freedom following The End. Guys have to get beyond the jealousy stage that seems to inflict them with more pain than it does the girls. Your ex sees you out with a new girlfriend and smiles. Maybe she even sends the poor thing a condolence letter. But what happens when you see your old girlfriend or wife with a guy?

Not good. Once you get past that without going to jail things will be fine. But it takes awhile. We won’t even begin to discuss the situation when your kids are involved. Let’s save that for sometime in the frigid, dark days of February when the limbs are snapping off the trees.

What was I talking about? Oh, my blogger who took a journey into his mind and hollers back once in awhile to the general population through his computer. I have one wish for this guy. And I know he doesn’t want my wishes. He probably thinks I am the one who is lost out here with my wife, children, grandchildren and friends (all two of them). I wish that he would someday realize that it can be very helpful to give yourself away once in awhile. Just take your gnarly self out and present it to someone one night. It will probably be a messy affair without a happy ending. But at least you will have made the effort to get out of yourself and try to think about someone else.

I used to do that when the solitude started to overwhelm my senses. And I met some people who made me want to run as fast as possible in the opposite direction. My first date following a split a long time ago was with someone who wrote beautiful emails with wonderful imagery and a quick wit. In other words she was way out of my league. We decided to meet and go out to dinner. She would have on a purple jacket and it would say something on the back. I forget what it would say. We would meet in a 7 – Eleven off the highway and go to Virginia Beach.

Nice. Fine. Looking forward to it. But a little voice in the back of my head whispered to me “Aren’t you supposed to ask for a picture before you do this?” I was a forty something newbie (dweeb) on the way to his first computer date and I did not listen to this voice. BTW, this is the same voice that screams “Find me someone” after you have been alone for awhile. So it can send out confusing and contradictory signals. And once I got to the 7 -Eleven and started looking around it began sending out something that resembled a primal scream. Because there was my date. My very large date who was not like one of the Wilson sisters large and beautiful.

I am such a superficial person. I have a difficult time getting beyond the notion of physical beauty in a dating situation. When I was eighteen I dated briefly someone who resembled a blonde goddess. The events associated with this travesty will not fit in this post so we will just say she was a cruel person. And I loved her for it. Stupid, stupid boy.

To my credit I did not sneak out the back door of the convenience store. I did not go home and write her an email suggesting I had been in a car accident on the way to see her and would be dead in a few days.

We went out to dinner. We talked. And I thought about the past and my beautiful ex who hated me now. It was not a fun date. But it was better than staying home and watching television. It was better than listening to the silence. I had no family in the area. My two children at that time were grown and gone out the door. So I went home and returned to the computer.

Next time I would insist on getting a photo. It would probably be a photo that was ten years old. But at least it would be something. And at least there would be a very small chance that I would find someone who I could share this life with and enjoy. Eventually after other strange, weird or uncomfortable episodes like the one I have described something wonderful did happen. And this is why I hope this blogger will think about taking a walk out of himself. There really are other places to go.

Some of them can be pretty scary. And some of them can be heaven. Ultimately you decide where you are going to go. And I know he would like to discover some of them. He wouldn’t be writing in his blog and communicating with the rest of us if he didn’t. And perhaps there is someone out there who should do the same thing and someday meet up with our blogger. One of the miracles of life is seeing a painful solitude somehow morph into a sweet and loving little love nest. It has happened before. Many times. And it can happen to you my friend.

More from Fall In Love

http://davidnotes.com/2008/02/02/whatever-it-may-be-finding-a-vocation/

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